Prison Day 7

Well here we are Day 7. Prison Camp is looking up! Our grass has grown, our garden is beautiful, and we only scream at the occasional 5 inch spider now. what an improvement! We hired some help (the Warden didn't view us as perfectly capable i guess) and built a chicken coup. It took a while but she's a beauty. we also bought some chicks! the Warden bought them assuming that they would all be hens. WRONG! as they've been growing we suspect that we have at least 4 roosters in the lot. at least that means good old Fried Chicken!!!! We built a dog pen because we've been needing a good guard dog. we got one. only thing is she's not ferocious. she's more laid back and conservative, but she's really sweet. inmate #001 is in charge of the gardening. she's doing a great job at it too! she's having a real problem with aphids though which would explain why we haven't had any cucumbers yet. It's quite interesting to watch as she discovers new ways to poison them. I always wonder though because she's pouring the poison in the garden where we get our vegetables from. so...if we all die this summer, you'll know why. we've met a lot of the neighbors in this area. One of them, whom we've bonded with, has these HUGE animals he'd like to make us believe are dogs. they're not. i'm convinced that they are actually bears with leashes because these things are even bigger than inmate #003! dogs. yeah right. we had a little incident involving electricity, a pole, and water, not too long ago. see, what happened was inmate #003 wanted to show off his superior strength and grace. So, being the athlete that he is he grabbed a nearby pole and through it high into the air. now i was watering the grass at this time and had water all around and on me. The pole is flying through the air, and then all of the sudden we hear this "THWACK!" The pole had smashed into the cable wires that ran from the Slammer to the Shed and came crashing down around me. i'm scared out of my mind as i see flashes of electricity dance around me and i hear popping noises. at this moment i really think my life is going to end. Funny, because nothing very interesting flashed before my eyes...but anyway. we're all standing there in shock and then i'm pretty sure i let inmate #003 have it. We ended up having to cut all the wires down on a rickety old ladder that none of us felt comfortable climbing. we're all good now but i don't think i'll appreciate inmate #003's athleticism quite as much for a while.
Well it's almost 4 am and the darn roosters are crowing so i'll say good bye for now!
over and out
-inmate #002

Prison Day 6

Well here we are in Day 6 and we're still here. Things are looking up for us though because we finally have internet connection. I think the wireless guys felt bad for us and got tired of hearing our screams as we suffered from various cases of Facebook and Youtube withdrawal. My body is slowly recuperating as I give it daily dosages of the TV show, Glee, online. Each of us have been allowed to buy 2 new pairs of shorts because the Warden got tired of us fainting on the job due of the heat. I feel very grateful for this privilege. We also got to wash our clothes today but were ordered to dry them outside. This wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that, while drying, our clothes were blown over and fell into the rough grass. Unfortunately for us this grass holds stickers and nobody bothered to tell us. Needless to say we spent the day feeling scratchy in...awkward...places. The Warden has been impressed with the size and strength of inmate #003 and has forced him to work at an Intensive Camp where his skills are supposedly honed and his strength increases. We are happy for him but the catch is that now for 5 hours of the day he is working on building his muscle tone which renders him absolutely useless to the rest of us back at camp. Inmate #004 and myself have found it somewhat difficult to pick up his slack as we cannot match his strength thus our work force has suffered a huge loss. I've been feeling very restless here at camp and have even tried to escape. In my desperate attempt for freedom I snuck the keys to the new Cruiser and tried to drive away. Unfortunately this was a failed attempt because as I tried to back out I realized that the car was a stick-shift. I've rarely driven a stick before but I refused to give up. I sped out of the perimeters of camp and thought I had almost reached the freedom I so dearly longed! And then I came to an intersection. Thinking back to the very few lessons I had about driving stick with my older brother I tried to remember my training. My heart almost broke whenI realized I had taken my foot off the clutch too fast and I heard my engine die. By the time I tried to start the car back up I saw the Prison Guards coming after me in my review mirror. The tears came as I was hauled back to camp. I have been confined to my quarters for the next few days but that is okay with me. I remain content in the fact that I can now watch my favorite shows from my cell.
So, if you'll excuse me, Glee is calling my name.
Over and Out,
Inmate #002

Prison Day 4 & 5

Day 4 & 5

The past two days at camp have somewhat blended together. Day 4 was the Lord's Day so the Warden allowed us time to worship, however immediately after we were ordered back to camp for another hard day of work. We spent the evening trying to cool the Slammer down because the heat here, which could easily be compared to hell’s deepest and hottest pit, drenches our bodies in sweat and immediately saps us of all energy. No kidding, when you step outside it’s like your body is immediately consumed in a blazing inferno. So anyway the cooler for the Slammer was broken and we desperately tried to fix the darn thing. We haven’t really gotten it to work properly but we’ve gotten by with drenching the mats with water and having the fan blow cool air around. Only problem with this is that once the water evaporates the cooler just blows around hot air. It’s a work in progress. In the mean time we tried to get some sort of Internet or cable around here as we seem to be going insane without a connection to the rest of the world. No luck. What we found out was that we are so far out in the boonies that even the Cableman is refusing to hook us up. So here we are, destitute. Praise God though we did find a vehicle. It was a trick to do however because the Warden only allows us to spend so much money on things like transportation and food- you know, minor things like that- so needless to say the choices were few. We got one though and it’s a real beauty. Today we reorganized the furniture in the Common Room. When we first started off the true challenge was not in moving the furniture; rather it was in deciding where the furniture would go. After much gnashing of teeth, broken ribs and bloodied knuckles we finally came to an agreement and are now quite satisfied with our choice. We worked a little bit in the fields today, not so much as normal though because of the heat. I found out a valuable piece of information however; never stand outside in one place longer than 30 seconds because if you do, tiny little creatures will eat you alive. We discovered this the hard way as one after another we all fell prey to the bloodsucking ants. We soaked the buggers though so maybe next time they’ll think twice. Well I’m tired now and my hands are swollen from raking so goodbye and goodnight,
-Inmate #002

Prison Day 3

Day 3. Today was largely spent clearing out the campgrounds. The Warden wants us to plant a garden and put in grass because the fields look rather barren at the moment. This required much strenuous work. First we raked the fields and then we watered them to make them soft. Next we had to use a very heavy and highly dangerous piece of equipment called a Tiller to dig up the turf. The ground was so hard however that this was a rather difficult task. In fact while attempting to use this piece of equipment inmate #001 almost lost her life because she is not strong enough to fully control the tool. I must admit it was quite comical watching her struggle to push the thing down and we laughed as it kept pulling her along. She is a little shaken up but otherwise unharmed.
I feel I am constantly caked with dirt and grime and I try to cleanse myself as best and as often as possible. I’m up to 2 showers a day. Clothing is scarce however and I find myself going through my very little belongings quickly. Also inmate #003 and myself lack adequate footwear for working in the fields. Inmate #001 and #004 have worked in conditions as these before so they each have sturdy work boots that they were able to bring to camp. I will keep my eyes open for a better pair.
Since I started this entry we have “finished” the garden. So far it’s just a combination of squash, tomatoes, peppers, and the occasional flower. It’s not much but it’s a start.
Some of the neighboring locals came by to tell us how good we inmates were working. I smiled as they told us how the entire community whispered about us and watched our progress behind their windows. We had a pleasant chat with them and found them to be very sweet people. Anyway, I must go- I can smell dinner boiling now. One thought though; when we’re in the fields tomorrow I think I’ll give a little wave to the local that is starring at us from his window.
-Inmate #002

Prison Day 2

Rations were short for breakfast so we satiated our hunger with meager portions of “eggs” and “toast”. This day was busy. I have located several arachnids creeping along the walls as I have tried to cleanse my body in the washroom. The toilet basin has also flooded over twice today. We spent a large portion of our day at camp as we tried to clear out inmate #003’s living quarters. Our leader has felt very bad that #003 doesn’t have a cell of his own, so we have worked very hard to provide him with one. Inmate #004 seems to be highly optimistic about the training here and she is now the self-proclaimed slave driver of the yard work. We have asked around to find out what the locals say is the best way to nurture the prison camps barren grounds back to health. One said that the best way to do this was to cut the weeds down, water them so that they grow again, and then cut them down once more. I question the advice of the locals at times. We searched for an automotive vehicle today so that we could transport ourselves more easily around the perimeters of camp. We were directed to the local Naval Fleet’s “Lemon Lot”. This was clearly a mistake as they only had 2 vehicles to offer. Needless to say we chose neither and are still without our own transportation. While working in the fields today inmate #001 pointed out a black widow spider’s egg sac. Inmate #003 was fascinated by this and preceded to place this sac on a tool and then chase inmate #004 around with it. Inmate #004 is terrified of these creatures so we were all highly amused as she ran around camp screeching in terror. After a dinner of bread and meat I went outside to assume my duty of watering the weeds. I still wonder at how this helps clear the yard but alas I shall not voice my skepticism. While watering I glanced across the street and saw 2 monstrous lizards the size of small dragons and I was immediately fearful for my life. However to my relief they soon hid from my site. Well, until we meet again,
-Inmate #002

Prison Day 1

Day one in the work camp found us tired and weak. We arrived at 3 am after making a much-needed trip to the local grocery shop where we were allowed to purchase only the most basic needs. After traveling many hours to reach our destination you can imagine our weariness. The camp itself is a sight to behold. Unsanitary water, spider and roach infestations, and not to mention the 70 years worth of dust that decorates every surface leaves us with a constant feeling of dirtiness. I am also sure I am suffering from a severe case of facebook withdrawal, as there is nothing even remotely resembling Internet service over here. My fellow inmates and I are doing the best we can, trying to make the most of our situation but it is hard. The first night our usually fearless leader was so afraid to sleep in her given quarters that she opted to make camp on a chair in the middle of the common room; our youngest member also occupied this space. Our largest member was forced to occupy the kitchen floor after deeming his living quarters “unfit for humans to sleep in”. In light of our current situation we are dirtied and tired, but hopeful. We will do our best. Until the marrow,
-Inmate #002